Hey Jealousy

I liked TJ, I really did. But I just couldn't get over the whole height issue. Our sizes are so backwards that it's unfair. My low self-esteem didn't help a thing. But flirting was fun... I guess you could say I'm a tease, haha. The whole situation was just something so new to me.

I've never had a real boyfriend. Yeah, there were the stupid little "relationships" in grade school, holding hands and pecking in my treehouse. But they don't count. They don't. I survived middle and high school without a boyfriend and it's been the same story throughout my entire life. I just don't take the chance. I'm afraid of rejection, so I never approach guys. I figure, if they like me they'll make a move, until then... The worst part is that I'm a hopeless romantic. I like to blame it on all of the Disney movies I grew up watching. I want a fairytale ending. But they just don't exist in today's world. The whole thing is depressing, really. Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's so wrong.

Anyway, he kept texting flirty things until this one day when I got scared that he was getting too close and I let him know that I wasn't interested. I told him there was someone else I had in mind, and then told him about Chris. This was actually before I got all those bad texts from Chris. He backed off a bit, saying that it was all in fun.

But then came the one weekend. I should probably call it The Weekend, because it means so much to me. I was laying in bed on a Friday night because I have no social life and I couldn't sleep because my job had totally screwed up my internal clock. So I texted TJ. Which is what I do when I'm bored. He was having a fire and had invited this other girl from our work, Carrie. I joked around (not really) and asked him if he was going to put the moves on her and he said he was trying to. I didn't take that too well. I got insanely ridiculously jealous. It was almost embarrassing to have established that I didn't have feelings for him and then get jealous like that.

I kept pressing him for more information, and from what I gathered, it wasn't working out too well. Mainly because the idiot had shown her my text. So he kind of dragged me into it. Thanks a lot. Even I knew that wasn't such a good idea. Whatever. And of course, that made it even harder for me to sleep, knowing they were off drinking and having fun.

My reaction made me realize that I did like him, obviously. But now what was I supposed to do? I finally drowsed off and accidentally left the volume on my phone up. He started texting me again around 2:30 in the morning and I was fully awake as soon as I saw it was him. He asked if I was awake, and I said of course! Now I don't know how we got on the subject, to be honest, but we started talking about us again. Then he told me that he does find me attractive. But then he pulled the "You're too good for me. You don't deserve someone like me. I have a lot of problems" bullshit and it pissed me off.

The next text I sent contained two words, "Try me."